My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
