20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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