remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
