i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
