Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
