I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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