Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
