As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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