I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
