This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
