We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
