Duck Duck Cougar?
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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