Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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