he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
