You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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