So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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