You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
