you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
