I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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