She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
