we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
