she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize