Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
