He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
