You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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