If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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