your thong is hanging out like whoa
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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