I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He shit in the fireplace
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
