dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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