I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
