You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
