she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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