What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
