I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
