There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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