D3 body, D1 cock
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Boobs are out for the taking
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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