I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
