Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
