You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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