WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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