Where is the hickey?
zippers are such a cool invention
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
