Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize