I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You've changed since you got that strap on
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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