Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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