1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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