I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
