I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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