foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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