if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
