I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
