how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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