you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
