I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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