Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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