After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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