There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize