I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
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