Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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