Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize