It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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