ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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