What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
