I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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