i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
