I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
