Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
