I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
