did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
