Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize